non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
