mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.