there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
