hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
