Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
