We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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