omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wanna go halves on a baby?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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