I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
