This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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