Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
