it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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