Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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