I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
