Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
