the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
