My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
