It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
