You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
