Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
