i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cockslap morals
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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