i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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