Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
