so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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