I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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