look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
