I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
