this just has baby written all over it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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