There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
