Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This is not my ceiling
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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