YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
