Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my being single is dangerous.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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