My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
