hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
