And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
