Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
