I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
