I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found the puke drawer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize