No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
