Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I met the friendliest cop last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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