I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize