i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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