I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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