i think i have two assholes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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