My liver just broke up with me...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
