i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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