So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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