if i died would you start the facebook group?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
