When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
