How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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