Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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