I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
