Screwed.edu
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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