Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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