There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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