I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
