If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
