So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
