Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
