i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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