I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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