theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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