Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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