Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
