Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
