hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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