please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
