According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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