Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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