I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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