After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
