Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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