I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
