I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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